By: Rachel Bellow
Remember the feeling you had before you ever had a job? Remember that sense of joy and promise, the freedom to discover for yourself who you are and what you love to do? For me, this image captures that feeling so perfectly it makes me want to cry.
photo by Kate Parker
But here’s my question: Why do we assume that once we enter the world of work this feeling of freedom must go away? Why do we assume that we need to spend our lives earning back the experience we once had of being insistently and consistently our unapologetic, authentic selves?
Do you believe that security and status (money and power) will finally offer you the keys to freedom? I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. The path to leadership is all about freedom, not at the end of the rainbow, but today…and every day. It’s about discovering your unique talents and defining success on your own terms so that you can help others do the same. The paradox of collective genius is that only when individuals are free to discover and express the gifts that set them apart from others do groups achieve greatness, and companies thrive.
Still, like any hero’s journey, the leader’s path has invisible deadly traps. I want to warn you of three in particular. While they can be described separately, they form a fatal cluster, a lethal vortex much like the Bermuda Triangle—that spot in the North Atlantic ocean notorious for swallowing ships and planes without a trace.
The Workplace Bermuda Triangle:
- The “I got this” mindset
- The desire to feel indispensable
- The need to always be available
Many of us were raised to believe that solving problems independently without asking for help was strong and praiseworthy. Our parents believed that our self-reliance would make us safe in the world. But that’s not how growth happens, and it’s not how leadership works. Brain science shows that learning happens in relationships with others. Understanding true partnership and collaboration requires humility (a recognition of our own limits) and is also an act of generosity. It allows others to grow as you grow. The mountaineering ritual of “roping up” before climbing a mountain is an apt metaphor here. Without a deep respect for interdependence, a leader’s ego can cause the whole team to fall.
The desire to feel indispensable
It’s natural to believe that our success depends on pleasing our bosses and having them increasingly depend on us. But consider the cost. Resentment festers when you repeatedly sacrifice your own goals for someone else’s gain. Over-attaching value to one person’s approval gives them inordinate power over your self-image. The trap becomes obvious when it comes time to move on and leave this person’s direct supervision. Did you believe that the exchange for your unwavering service would be your boss’ sponsorship for your next role? You might want to rethink that. To be clear, the point is not to avoid fulfilling the wishes of your boss. It is about making sure your focus is on serving a purpose, not a person.
The need to be always available
Lastly, the drive to prove our enthusiasm and commitment when we are rising in our careers often means abandoning healthy boundaries around work. Weekends and nights bleed into work. Vacations are no longer sacred. Soon, you experience burnout and the cruel truth is that not just your friends and family but also your colleagues begin to lose respect for you. Why? Because you are not showing respect for yourself.
We often think of boundaries as walls to keep out the invading needs of others, as if boundaries are a way of saying “no!” But what if we think of boundaries as a way of saying “yes” to what we want to protect—those beautiful seedlings of a creative pursuit, the precious territory of personal relationships, your religious practices, your time for working out or for therapy? When you observe others protecting those boundaries, don’t you admire them?
It’s not our fault that we are so susceptible to these three traps. This is how we were trained to succeed in our schools and by our own families. We learned to equate independence with strength. Pleasing authority came with huge rewards. Saying yes to the demands of others protected us from isolation or neglect.
But if you navigate your path around the Bermuda Triangle at work you’ll find a clear path to freedom—not exactly the kind you once pursued in the lazy summers of your youth, but the kind that brings joy to the responsibilities of leadership and a sense of liberation to the burdens of adulthood.